A friend of mine recently went through breast cancer, treatment, and recovery. She is doing remarkably well - healthy, energized and happy. She's thrilled, of course, to be healthy again, but noted an odd side-effect: boredom. Now that her days and mind are longer filled with cancer worries, treatment and side-effects, she says she's not sure what to think about or how to fill her days.
I experienced that same disorientation immediately after finishing college. There is such a focus, such a clear goal, to the exclusion of all else. All my waking energies were directed toward one point - graduation. When I finished school, I slept for a couple of weeks, then wandered around vaguely disoriented, wondering what normal people do with their days. I still had my college waitressing job, so I worked, but then I mostly slept and hung around.
What to do when we achieve our goal?
Now that I am more or less settled into my new home and my new life as a single woman, I find I have more brain space than every before. All the energy I spent on hating the ex, wondering whether to leave my marriage and worrying what would happen if I did, and then later on selling the house and finding a new home - all that energy is now freed up.
I clearly remember one morning shortly after we separated.
That was the day I became aware of my habit of complaining to myself about the ex while unloading the dishwasher. He had too many kitchen gadgets or put them away inconsistently or oh I don't know what, but there were plenty of complaints to myself each morning. I must have done that every morning for years!
I awoke that morning as usual, made coffee and emptied the dishwasher as usual. While unloading the dishwasher I noticed my complaining because suddenly the complaints didn't fit! I had nothing to complain about! It took me a moment as I wondered, well what am I going to think about now?
Luckily I am at a more mature stage in my life than when I finished college. I am using my extra mental time for writing, cooking and yes, the occasional worry about the future.
Now I wonder, ok I've achieved my goal of separating and setting up my new life. Now what?
I realise it's time to set exciting new goals, refocus my dreams, and open up to creating a great life for myself and my family.
After all the heartache and pain, this feels like a fun reward to be able to create totally new goals and aims. I got some high-end magazines with pictures of wonderful places. I'm going to make my new dream board, full of things that make me anxiously excited as I wonder can I really ask for that? Do I deserve that? It's so much fun that the answer is always yes.
