Today I noticed that my frown line is receding. It's a deeply-etched crevice between my eyebrows; the result of years of carrying a slight frown on my face. Since separating and despite the unknowns and new beginnings, it's getting smaller.
I also notice that I am developing wrinkles on my cheeks - what are they from? I had to laugh when I realised that what caused those new lines is smiling and laughter.
I know - I deeply deeply know, that this separation is the best thing I could have done. Yes it was difficult, scary, stressful, but looking back at who I was a year ago makes me sure that I have done the best thing. My ex, although a wonderful guy, has such a different approach to life and happiness that I know we never would have been happy together.
I love to live in the moment - although I am not always successful - feeling and being and trusting life to provide what is needed. I don't need to know all the answers or be right or be the smartest. I am happy to live in ambiguity and creativity. I believe my highest purpose is to spread love.
More and more people I know have died or had major health scares, which causes not fear in me, but acts as a reminder to enjoy every moment, to be satisfied with here and now. It may not be ideal and I can certainly work to improve my situation, but I am happy now.
My ex seemed to have very different ideals - a more wait and see approach; an attitude of I'll be happy when, and the glass is half-empty. He seemed to have lost the ability to take joy in just being - in those cliched little moments. He seemed to want to bring himself back down to earth with financial fears and realities, crime and antitheism, and negative expectations.
Just to have removed that influence from my daily life has lightened my environment. And it doesn't mean I'm irresponsible or pollyana-ish - merely that my days are filled with more joy and laughter than ever before. I have created space for joy. Because that's what I really wanted.
